Ascribed status code#

In nearly every culture on earth, gaining the title of man required a male to undergo strenuous, painful challenges and ordeals, and to endure them with courage and stoicism. One was born male, but had to become a man.

Ascribed status code#

In fact, across cultures and time, becoming a man was essentially a status that one earned by performing manly deeds and living up to the standards and code of one’s tribe. It underlies core concepts such as honor, Jack Donovan’s “tactical virtues” of strength, courage, and mastery, and the 3 P’s of Manhood - protect, procreate, provide. Within humans, a man’s drive for status is woven into nearly every facet of masculinity. Biologists have long observed that males across species (including our own) are much more sensitive to “status defeats” and have a much stronger drive to attain status than females. Status has always been particularly important for men. Gaining and maintaining one’s status was thus vitally important to ensuring the survival both of a man’s mortal life and his genes for generations to come. It’s inextricably woven into our biology and neurology because for thousands of years, high status was closely connected with access to resources and reproductive success.

It’s an involuntary process that we share with our caveman ancestors as well as every other mammal in the animal kingdom. Neurons fire and hormones are released whenever we lose or gain status. We’re hardwired to be aware of it, to monitor it, to seek it, and to feel pained when forced to surrender it. In America, status is something that we’re all acutely aware of privately, but like good democratic, egalitarians, we publicly pretend like it doesn’t exist or isn’t that important. The reason these seemingly inexplicable reactions can be so difficult to deal with is that they’re rooted in a topic modern culture doesn’t address and doesn’t explain: status. But it seems impossible to think away the vise that seems to clench your heart. The feelings can seem disproportionate to what’s actually happened, and your logical, rational mind tells you not to make such a big deal of things - that she doesn’t matter, that you live a relatively decent life, that you’re not your job. While all these scenarios are different, the feelings they can garner are similar - a deep, visceral sinking and pit in your stomach, a disorientation in your mind, or a heavy weight on your chest. You find yourself sinking into a deep depression and are plagued by feelings of worthlessness.

You haven’t even gotten called in for a single interview. You were laid off two months ago and you still haven’t been able to find a job. You can’t help feeling rather less-than, like a suburban wuss. As they share their combat stories, you have nothing to add, and nobody wants to hear about your accounting job. Your brother, a Marine, wants you to hang out with his platoon buddies and you spend the night feeling like an outsider looking in. You cringe in the moment, and continue to cringe for months afterward when you lie in bed and replay the encounter in your head. You’re talking to an attractive woman, when suddenly she pretends to wave to a friend behind you, and without even excusing herself, she walks away.